*  T[ T[ ! MIT[ H[?!  YO! HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT UGLY LAMER WHO IS GOING TO GET HANGED!!! YEAH!!!! YOU CAN EXECUTE HIM (* GREAT 'EH?) BY PRESSING RIGHT MOUSEBUTTON.........    IN THIS SCROLL YOU WILL FIND LOTS OF FACTS ABOUT FREEDOM FORCE MEMBERS (ONLY FINNISH ONES, BECAUSE IT TOOK OVER 12 HOURS TO WRITE THESE FOUR NOVELS. SORRY PER AND COMP.!!! MAYBE NEXT TIME!!!).    FASCINATING!!!!!!!!!  (EXCLAMATION MARKS (C) FIZZ 1988).        YOU CAN USE NUMBER KEYS 1-4 ON THE NUMERIC KEYPAD TO READ TEXT ABOUT 1.FIZZ  - 2.CRAYONE - 3.ROLEX - 4.LUCIFER OF FREEDOM FORCE. I THINK YOU SHOULD READ ALL OF THEM...                   LET'S START WITH   OK. PART 1...   FIZZ OF FREEDOM FORCE...      HIS REAL NAME IS CARL STRETCH, BUT GIRLS CALL HIM CHARLIE.    CARL IS 13 YEARS OLD, THOUGHT HE IS EXPERT WITH WOMEN (AND WITH SOME GUYS AS WELL). CARL HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM: HE HAS TO SHAVE AT LEAST FIVE TIMES A DAY, BUT THAT'S OK, AS GIRLS LIKE WILD, HAIRY GUYS! BUT IT IS VERY EXPENSIVE. SHAVING FOAM COSTS STRAWBERRIES...      THEN LET'S GO ON WITH HIS HABITS:     CARL LIKES TO SURF ON THE N[KKIL[-DRAIN, AND OF COURSE, HE IS A COOL PEUGEOT-DRIVER (HE IS EVEN BETTER WHEN HE IS IN BOOZE). HE IS FINLAND'S BEST LEMONADE-DRINKER TOO! CARL CAN DRINK TWO ONE LITRE BOTTLES OF DONALD DUCK-PEAR-LEMONADE IN 13.62 SECONDS, AND THAT'S COOOOL! * * *       NOW WE WILL ENTER INTO CARLS PRIVATE LIFE, AND THAT'S DIRTY. OH BOY...    CARL HAS DOZENS OF GIRLFRIENDS, BUT ONE OF THEM IS DIFFERENT:  SHE IS THE ONLY BEARD WOMAN IN THE WORLD (ALMOST AS HAIRY AS CARL). SHE ACTED IN MEL BROOKS' MOVIE +SPACE BALLS+. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME WHEN CARL SAW THE GIRL. AND SHE MADE HIS DICK BIIIIG!!!! (56.2 INCHES EXACTLY).  AFTER THAT CARL MOVED TO HOLLYWOOD TO GET THE LADY AND MARRY HER.     IN LOS ANGELES AIRPORT CARL WAS UPSET. HE COULDN'T IMAGINE IT COULD BE SO BIG... BUT HE WILL FIND THE LADY, EVEN IF IT WOULD BE HIS LAST MOVE.  HIS JEANS WERE STILL VERY TIGHT, WHEN HE DREAMED THAT LOVELY, HAIRY GIRLIE!          AFTER TWO LONG DAYS IN HOLLYWOOD (BUT THAT'S ENOUGH TO CARL TO DO THE FOLLOWING THINGS: KISS ROCK HUDSON, FUCK ELIZABETH TAYLOR, ACT IN PORNO MOVIE (WET GIRL IN DRY SAHARA), SING WITH MICHAEL JACKSON, 24 DRIVES IN DISNEYLAND'S SWITCHBACK, BREAK ALL THE COMPUTERS IN SILICON WALLEY  ETC...         YES, AFTER TWO DAYS, HE WENT TO LOCAL PUB, ORDERED ICE-WATER, AND AFTER TWO GLASSES ** HAIRY WOMAN ENTERED THE PUB. +NYT VAAN PANOLLE+, CARL SHOUTED.   HE WALKED AT THE JUKEBOX, INSERTED ONE DOLLAR COIN INTO THE SLOT, AND SELECTED A SONG +SMOOTH CRIMINAL+ BY MICHAEL JACKSON (HE'S FAN), AND STARTED TO DANCE.   HAIRY WOMAN SAW HIM DANCING LIKE HELL ON THE TABLE AND HER FINGERS WENT UNDER HER WET PANTS...     AFTER TWO HOURS OF DANCING, CARL STOPPED, AND NOTICED THIS LADY WITH BEARD * NAKED * ON THE BARCOUNTER.   NOW YOU CAN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT... YES...         AFTER 8 HOURS THEY LEFT THE BAR AND WENT TO HOTEL RITZ.   CARL WANTED TO PLAY TOUGH GUY TO HAIRY LADY AND KICKED THE PICCOLO STRAIGHT TO HIS BALLS.    LADY WAS PLEASED AND THEY WENT TO THE ROOM.     THEY LIVED ABOUT FIVE DAYS IN THE HOTEL (IT COST 96024 BUCKS AND CARL THOUGHT +MIT[ VITTUU! EIKS TOI AKKA MEINAA MAKSAA...+ (THAT IS IN ENGLISH:+JUST GREAT! SHE WILL PAY THE BILL!+    OCH PA SVENSKA:+NU SKA JAG KNULLA HENNE+)                   AND SO CARL HAD TO PAY THE BILL. NOW HE HAD ONLY 12.44 BUCKS LEFT!!! HOW TO TRAVEL BACK TO FINLAND????   NO PROBLEM!   CARL IS A SMART BOY, AS YOU KNOW, AND HE SAID TO THE LADY: +WAIT A SECOND, I WILL GO OUT+.   HE WENT TO THE STREET AND LOOKED AND LOOKED AND THEN HE FOUND THE PIMP. +TAHOKS[ PILLUU?+. (IN ENGLISH:+DO YOU WANT SOME PUSSY?+     OCH PA SVENSKA:+TYCKER DU OM KNULLA?+)...    SO THEY WENT TOGETHER TO THE BAR, WHERE THE HAIRY LADY WAS WAITING FOR CARL. +TOI SE ON+,SAID CARL (IN ENGLISH:+IT'S THE GIRL WITH BIG BOOBIES+).    PIMP TOOK HIS WHIP AND WHIPPED THE LADY A BIT. +NICE VOICES+, SAID THE PIMP. +WHAT THE FUCK, CARL+, SHOUTED LADY!!!      +MAKE WAR, NOT LOVE+, ANSWERED CARL AND LAUGHT.      +YEAH! HOT MEAT! HOW MUCH DOES SHE COST+, SAID PIMP WITH CALM VOICE. +OKEI. M[ EN TARTTE KU MATKALIPUN HINNAN TAKAS SUOMEE, NO, SE AKKA ON ALENNUKSES KU SILL ON L]YS[T PAIKAT. SAAT SEN KOLMEE TONNII.+   (IN ENGLISH:+OK. I JUST NEED MONEY TO TRAVEL BACK TO FINLAND... WELL, I WILL SELL THAT LADY IN DISCOUNT, AS SHE HAS TOO LOOSE PUSSY, YOU WILL GET HER IN 1 THOUSAND BUCKS.+). +ALL RIGHT! THAT'S A GOOD PRICE. I WILL GET LOTS OF MONEY FROM THE GUYS WHO LIKE ANALSEX. OH MY GOD!  HERE'S THE MONEY...+.  +YES, SHE HAS A VERY GOOD ARSE. HAVE FUN.+, REPLIED CARL WITH HAPPY TONE IN HIS VOICE.    SO CARL TOOK THE PIMP'S MONEY AND WENT TO L.A. AIRPORT. BY THE DOOR HE NOTICED A BLIND MAN BEGGING FOR MONEY. CARL LOOKED INTO HIS HAT AND FOUND 23 BUCKS, AND AS A TOUGH GUY WOULD DO, HE TOOK THE MONEY AND THOUGHT:+NO VITTU! NYT M[ SAAN PARIT BURGERIT JA COLAA. K[VIH[N M[IH[.+  (IN ENGLISH:+OH FUCK! NOW I WILL GET COUPLE OF BURGERS AND COKE. I WAS A LUCKY BASTARD! *+).      AFTER EATING TWO BIG BURGERS HE WENT BACK TO MEET THE BLIND MAN AND BURPED AND SAID +THANKS FOR BURGERS AND COKE+.            NOW CARL BOUGHT A TICKET FROM LOVELY LADY (OF COURSE HE FLIRT A BIT), AND ENTERED THE PLANE.  AS CARL HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR, HE HIDE A PLASTIC BOMB IN ONE SUITCASE, BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT EXPLODED IN NEXT DAY. +K[VIP[ HASSUSTI+, WAS CARL'S COMMENT  (IN ENGLISH:+OOPS!+).      DURING THE FLYING TRIP CARL PINCHED THE AIR HOSTESS UNDER HER SKIRT AND HE WAS LUCKY:  THE AIR HOSTESS WAS A PERVERT TOO, AND THEY WENT TOGETHER IN THE TOILET TO DO SOME DIRTY THINGS.  WHEN CARL TOOK OFF HIS JEANS, HE NOTICED SOMETHING IN THE LADY'S PANTS. +SE ON VARMAA TAMPPOONI+, SAID CARL IN COOL VOICE  (IN ENGLISH:+IT MUST BE HAIR+).  THEY TOOKED OFF THEIR CLOTHES, BUT THE LADY STILL HAD HER PANTS ON. +WHAT THE FUCK! TAKE THEM OFF! MY DICK WASN'T MADE TO BE A KNIFE!!!+, SAID CARL IN HOT AND SATISFIED VOICE!.   SO HE WALKED NEAR THE LADY AND STARTED TO TAKE OFF HER TANGAS...     +HYYYYIII HELVETIN HELVETTI! TRANSSU!+,YELLED CARL WHEN HE NOTICED A LONG, HOT DICK COMING OUT FROM THE PANTS...   (THAT IN ENGLISH:+OOOHH SHIIIT!!! YOU'RE NOT A GIRL! YAK!+).          OK. AFTER THIS NIGHTMARE, HE WAS SO SHOCKED THAT HE EVEN DIDN'T KICK A LITTLE KID, WHO WAS PLAYING WITH SOME TOY-CARS...           FINALLY, THE PLANE ARRIVED TO HELSINKI-VANTAA AIRPORT, AND CARL GAVE A GOODBYE KISS TO A 12 YEAR-OLD-GIRL WITH WHOM HE JUST HAD GOOD TIME (VERY GOOD!).       CARL WENT THROUGH THE CUSTOMS (SMUGGLING SOME BOOZE TO HIS FRIENDS, NATURALLY), AND STRAIGHT TO PHONE-BOX TO CALL TO THE PETER 'BUCKETBRUSH'. +JUMALAUTA! EI OO PIKKURAHAA.+, SAID CARL WITH MONOTONOUS VOICE (IN ENGLISH:+OH SHIT! I'M OUT OF CHANGE!+).    BUT CARL DIDN'T PANIC. HE WALKED TO THE CAFE AND SEARCHED THE NEAREST COIN MACHINE.    WITH ONE HARD, KARATE-KICK HE BROKE THE COIN MACHINE AND PICKED UP COUPLE OF COINS.   +MIT[ VITTUU TE TUIJOTATTE!+, SHOUTED CARL, WHEN ALL THE OLD LADIES WERE STARING AT HIM WITH HORROR IN THEIR EYES  (SENTENCE IN ENGLISH:+WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT!?+).       CARL TOOK THE CHANGE AND RAN BACK TO THE PHONE BOX. HE OPENED HIS MEMO-BOOK, WHICH WAS FULL OF ADDRESSES (MOST OF THEM WERE PROSTITUTES, AS YOU KNOW CARL...), AND FOUND THE NUMBER OF PETER...   HE CALLED TO HIM, AND THEY TALKED ONLY 1.5 HOURS, AND THE SUBJECT OF CONVERSATION WAS OF COURSE ...  ...   ...   CAN YOU GUESS?? ...  ... ... YEAH! FLOWERS.     PETER IS A SON OF A GRAVEYARD'S GARDENER...  CARL PROMISED TO BRING SOME SEEDS OF THE MOUNTAIN-ROSE, WHICH LIVES ONLY IN THE EAST SIDE OF THE GRAND CANYON. IT WOULD LOOK NICE ON THE GRAVES. YES.   CARL REMEMBERED, BUT LATER THEY FOUND OUT THAT THE SEEDS CARL BRING, WERE SEEDS OF THE PANSY... WHAT A PITY...   **      AFTER THEIR LONG CONVERSATION, CARL LEFT THE AIRPORT AND RUSHED INTO THE NEAREST TAXI, PUSHED OUT THE OLD WIDOW, AFTER HE TOOK HER DENTURE (HE SAW A GOLDEN TOOTH IN HER MOUTH WHEN SHE SMILED TO HIM.). YES, NOW CARL WILL GET DOZENS OF BOXES OF CONDOMS WITH THAT GOLDEN TEETH!!!               +N[KKIL[[N PERUUTTAEN, KIITOS+,SAID CARL  (IN ENGLISH:+TO N[KKIL[, AND BACKWARDS, PLEASE+      IN SWEDISH:+TILL NAXBY OCH BACKA HELA V[GEN, TACK.+).    TAXI-DRIVER LOOKED VERY SURPRISED, BUT HE DID AS HE WAS SAID TO DO.         AFTER 8 HOURS THEY ARRIVED TO N[KKIL[.   IT COST 2034.40 MARKS. CARL PAYED AND WENT INTO THE HOUSE.    HIS MOTHER WAS THERE, WAITING FOR HER SON, WHO HASN'T BEEN AT HOME FOR ONE MONTH. +WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!!!+, SHE SHOUT AND WHIPPED CARL WITH HIS FATHER'S LEATHER-BELT.  +I WAS IN THE UNITED STATES. OUCH!+, REPLIED CARL WITH PAIN IN HIS VOICE.        +IN USA!!!    THAT'S GREAT! I WAS ALREADY WORRIED, IF YOU WERE IN RUSSIA! THANKS TO MOHAMMED FOR THAT!!!+,SAID HER MOTHER (HER NAME IS KYLLIKKI) AND KNEELED ON FRONT OF THE POSTER OF AYATOLLAH KHOMEIN AND SHE KISSED THE BLACK BIBLE WITH HER CHAPPED LIPS.  +YES, THANKS TO HOLY AYATOLLAH FOR THAT.+,SAID CARL WITH SOME RESPECT IN HIS VOICE.                                       THAT WAS A STORY OF CARL STRETCH, FIZZ OF FREEDOM FORCE...  KAI (**), I HOPE YOU WON'T STRANGLE ME NOW...           LET'S GO ON WITH OTHER FREEDOM FORCE MEMBERS.     OK. PART 2...    NEXT VICTIM IS CRAYONE OF FREEDOM FORCE...           HIS REAL NAME IS JAMES REDWOOD, JAMES IS 12 YEARS OLD BOOZE-DEALER. HE GOES TO LIQUID SHOP (ALKO) WITH LOTS OF MONEY (HE IS VERY WELL PHYSICALLY DEVELOPED, SO HE CAN GO TO THE BOOZE-SHOP WITHOUT ANY TROUBLE. MENTALLY HE ISN'T SO WELL DEVELOPED, AS YOU CAN NOTICE WHEN YOU ARE MORE THAN 5 MINUTES WITH HIM.) YES, HE GOES TO BOOZE SHOP WITH BIG PURSE AND COMES OUT WITH BIG CLINKING PLASTIC BAG FULL OF SORBUS AND KOSKENKORVA AND GOES TO THE MANNERHEIMINTIE TO SELL THEM TO ROSE-SMELLING ALCOHOLICS AMD TO YOUNG KIDS WHO WILL PAY 600 PERCENT HIGHER PRICE OF THE BOOZE THAN IT COSTS IN THE SHOP. JAMES IS A BUSINESSMAN, AS YOU CAN SEE...      HE IS VERY GOOD IN THE SCHOOL. ESPECIALLY HE LIKES CHAIN-SAWING AND FLOATING, BUT ALSO BUDDHISM AND YOGA-EXERCISES ARE COOL.          JAMES LIKES CLASSICAL MUSIC. HE'S FAVOURITE COMPOSERS ARE JEAN SIBELIUS AND WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART, WHO IS HIS MOTHER'S BROTHER'S GRANDFATHER'S UNCLE'S SISTER-IN-LAW'S NAMESAKE!!!!    UNBELIEVEABLE!! SO NEAR RELATIVES!  ****        JAMES HAS LOTS OF HOBBIES. HERE ARE SOME OF THEM:      FARTING IN MOONLIGHT, SMOKING CRACK IN COFFIN ON HIS GRANDFATHER'S GRANDFATHER'S BONES, PLAYING CHESS WITH A TV'S REMOTE CONTROL, PLAYING TRIVIAL PURSUIT WITH PHONE BILLS, WATCHING NEIGHBOURS WITH BINOCULARS, STRETCHING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR (NAKED), BURPING [RTSOPPA BURPS   AND SO ON...             JAMES IS WORKING IN A LOCAL BOOZE-SHOP (ATTILA), WHERE HE WORKS AS A SECRET AGENT. HE'S WORK IS TO FIND OUT THE NEW BOOZE-RECIPES FROM THE OTHER BOOZE-COMPANIES. SOME TIMES AGO HE GOT A VERY SECRET MISSION TO FIND OUT A RECIPE OF NEW TURKISH BOOZE CALLED +MIDNIGHT HAREM+. IT'S VERY HARD JOB, AS THE SULTAN HAS HIDDEN THE RECIPE UNDER HIS TESTICLES...          BUT JAMES TOOK THE MISSION AND SAID IN COOL VOICE:+GIVE ME THE SCISSORS AND A PLASTIC BAG, SO I WILL CUT OFF HIS SMELLING TESTICLES AND BRING THEM TO YOU WITH THE RECIPE. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THE TESTICLES.+.        JAMES TOOK A BOX OF MARLBORO-CICARETTES FROM HIS POCKET, LIGHT ONE AND BLOWED THE SMOKE TOWARDS HIS BOSS' FACE AND SAID:+SEE YOU BOSS+.       JAMES CALLED A CAB, PULLED OUT HIS MAGNUM 44, AND POINTED A CAB-DRIVER WITH IT +LET'S GO TO THE AIRPORT, PAL. AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A HEAVY GASFOOT AS MY PLANE TAKES OFF IN 6 MINUTES.+.      SO THEY DROVE PEACEFULLY TO THE AIRPORT AND JAMES PAID THE CAB-BILL WITH HIS FRIEND, MAGNUM 44. +THANX FOR RIDE, MISTER.+,JAMES SAID WITH HIS WHISKEY-BASS-VOICE AND PULLED THE TRIGGER. +SEE YOU IN HEAVEN. HAW,HAW!!+,LAUGHED JAMES AND RAN INTO THE AIRPORT.      HE WENT INTO THE PLANE WITHOUT ANY TROUBLES, ALTHOUGH HE HAD TO SHOOT THE LADY, WHO WOULDM'T LET HIM INTO THE PLANE WITH HIS POP-GUN.                  THEY FLEW TO TURKEY IN 2 HOURS (NORMALLY IT WOULD TAKE A LITTLE BIT LONGER, BUT JAMES PLUGGED HIS GUN INTO PILOTS MOUTH AND SAID THAT HE WILL PULL THE TRIGGER, IF THE PLANE WOULDN'T BE IN ISTANBUL BEFORE TEN O'CLOCK WHEN THE BARBER SHOP WILL OPEN.               JAMES WALKED OUT FROM THE AIRPORT WITH CIGARETTE BETWEEN HIS TEETH (THIS TIME COLT).    +SHIT! MY STOMACH KEEPS SUCH A LOUD NOISE. LIKE SOMEONE FUCKING IN CHURCH. I HAVE TO EAT SOME TURKISH SHIT NOW.+.       SO JAMES WENT INTO A LOCAL RESTAURANT CALLED +PAPA ABDULLAH'S DEN+.   HE LIKED THE NAME A LOT, SO HE ENTERED THE HOUSE, WHICH SMELLED LIKE PISS, SO JAMES SHOUTED:+WHO THE HELL HAS PISSED IN THE CORNER HERE?+.      HE SAT ON ONE COMFORTABLE WOODEN CHAIR AND TOOK THE MENU.           AFTER LOOKING IT JAMES YELLED:+GIMME KEBAB WITH ALL SPICES, AND FAST. I'M HUNGRY AS AN ETHIOPIAN IN EASTER!!!!+.   WAITRESS BLUSH AND RAN CRYING IN THE KITCHEN.    +HEY! WAITRESS! YOU HAVE QUITE A NICE ASS. WHAT ABOUT A LITTLE FUCK BEFORE EATING?!?!+,SHOUTED JAMES AND LAUGHT WITH A LOUD VOICE.              HE ATE HIS KEBAB WITH PLEASURE AND LEFT THE RESTAURANT +THIS IS FOR YOU+,HE SAID AND FARTED.           NOW HE WENT TO CHEMIST'S, BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF POISON AND CONTINUED HIS WAY TO THE HAREM, WHERE THIS SULTAN HAS THE RECIPE UNDER HIS TESTICLES.           FINALLY HE FOUND THE HAREM AND KNOCKED AT THE DOOR AND ENTERED THE NEST OF PLEASURE.    JAMES WALKED TO THE SOFA WHERE THE SULTAN WAS FUCKING WITH 3 UGLY GIRLS. +DON'T LET ME DISTURB, BUT ARE YOU THE SULTAN???+,ASKED JAMES WITH RELAXED VOICE AND CONTINUED:+WHERE HAVE YOU LEARNT TO FUCK?? IN SUNDAY-SCHOOL OR WHERE. LET ME SHOW YOU HOW A REAL MAN FUCKS...+.  SULTAN BECAME VERY ANGRY AND HE CALLED HIS BODYGUARD, WHO CAME VERY FAST, SO FAST THAT JAMES SHOUTED:+ARE YOU THE SPIRIT OF A BOTTLE, OR WHAT? YOUR MUSCLES LOOK LIKE BALLOONS. HAW,HAW!!+.     BODYGUARD LOOKED QUITE PISSED, SO JAMES SHOWED HIS MIDDLE-FINGER TO HIM AND LAUGHT AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME LOUDER.   +DO YOU SMOKE+,ASKED JAMES FROM THE BODYGUARD AND SULTAN, WHO WAS PULLING UP HIS TROUSERS...   +WELL, IF YOU DON'T I WILL. IT MAKES ME RELAXED AND HELPS ME TO CONCENTRATE.+,SAID JAMES AMD LIT A CAMEL-CIGARETTE.  +YOUR HEALTH+,SAID HE AND THREW THE MATCH TOWARDS THE SULTAN.        NOW SULTAN STARTED TO TALK:+WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US??+,HE ASKED.     +MY NAME IS CLINT EASTWOOD AND I HEARD THAT YOU WANT A NEW GIGOLO HERE.+,ANSWERED JAMES.    +OH! THAT'S GREAT! WE REALLY WANT SOME YOUNG BLOOD HERE, AS ALL MY OTHER BOYS HAVE A STRANGE DISEASE. THEY ALL FIRST BECOME VERY THIN AND THEY GET ALL KIND OF DISEASES.+,SAID SULTAN WITH GREAT HAPPINESS.      +OH, THAT'S AIDS. IT'S OK, I CAN CURE IT. SHOW ME WHERE THEY ARE.+,SAID JAMES AND SMOKED HIS CAMEL.    +OH, YOU MUST BE THE GUY WHO WAS SENT BY GOD. I SAW A DREAM WHEN I FUCKED LAST NIGHT.+    +YES I AM+.        SULTAN LED JAMES TO THE SECRET CHAMBER, WHERE LOTS OF UGLY BOYS WERE SUFFERING.  +OK, MR SULTAN, NOW YOU MUST LEAVE US. I CAN'T CURE PEOPLE WHEN I HAVE COMPANY.+,SAID JAMES AND SO SULTAN LEFT THE SECRET CHAMBER IN VERY HAPPY MOOD.           JAMES LOOKED THE GAYS AND SAID +THIS WON'T HURT YOU...   WELL, NOT FOR LONG TIME..+  AND PULLED OUT HIS MAGNUM 44 AND PULLED THE TRIGGER COUPLE OF TIMES.    +YEAH. NOW TO DIG THE SULTAN'S TESTICLES...+      JAMES WALKED DOWN THE STAIRS TO THE LIVING-ROOM WHERE SULTAN WAS WAITING DRINKING SOME +MIDNIGHT HAREM+.          +HOW ABOUT A LITTLE FUCK+,JAMES SAID STRAIGHT TO SULTAN.    +OK. WHY NOT+,REPLIED SULTAN AND TOOK OFF HIS TROUSERS AND PULLED OUT HIS LONG, BROWN DICK.  +SUCK IT MAN+ .        JAMES PUT HIS HEAD BETWEEN THE SULTAN'S LEGS AND TOOK THE SCISSORS FROM HIS POCKET.  CLIP - CLIP - CLIP. +THANKS A LOT!+,SAID JAMES AND PULLED OUT HIS FRIEND AND SHOT THE SULTAN. +HAPPY HOURS+.        JAMES LOOKED HIS WATCH AND HOLY SHIT! TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL THE PLANE WILL TAKE OFF...      JAMES SAW A LOCAL BUS AND JUMPED IN AND SHOT THE DRIVER +SORRY, BUT I'M IN A HURRY.+ AND PUSHED THE DEAD BODY OUT OF THE OPEN DOOR. JAMES SAT ON THE DRIVER'S PLACE AND ACCELERATED THE BUS (G FORCES 5.4) TO THE SPEED OF 176 KM PER HOUR.      AFTER A LITTLE RIDE HE ARRIVED TO AIRPORT AND RAN INTO THE PLANE. +PHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE+,WAS JAMES' COMMENT.       THEY ARRIVED TO HELSINKI A BIT LATE AS JAMES THREW ONE 6-YEAR-OLD-BOY OUT OF THE WINDOW. HE DISTURBED JAMES WHEN HE WAS READING TIMES.              NOW, BACK IN THE BOSS' OFFICE:     +HI BOSS. HERE ARE THE TESTICLES AND THE RECIPE. I HAVE TO GO TO BUY SOME MILK BEFORE THE SHOPS WILL CLOSE. SEE YA!+,SAID JAMES AND LEFT THE OFFICE SMOKING NORTH STATE.                 THAT WAS A STORY OF JAMES REDWOOD, CRAYONE OF FREEDOM FORCE.     DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY... IT'S JUST MY IMAGINATION...                                         OK. PART 3...     NOW, LET'S EXAMINE ROLEX OF FREEDOM FORCE'S LIFE AND PERSONAL MATTERS...       HIS REAL NAME IS ALAN SWEDE.      ALAN LIVES IN LAPPI, NEAR THE ARCTIC CIRCLE, AND HE IS A ACTIVE MEMBER OF REINDEER AND MEAT FOUNDATION.          ALAN IS 68 YEARS OLD HERDER, HE LIVES IN A HUT, WHERE IS ALSO HIS WIFE, ORKKU ALANAMPA (93 YEARS OLD, VERY UGLY AND STUPID) AND THEIR 17 CHILDREN (WHO ARE VERY,VERY UGLY). THE YOUNGEST CHILD IS ONLY 4 YEARS OLD AND THE OLDEST IS 50 YEARS OLD, WHO IS MENTALLY HANDICAPPED (LOCAL PEOPLE CALL HIM +SEPARI+).ALAN IS ALSO VERY FAT:  OVER 150 KILOS! *     NOW SOME HOBBIES...  ALAN IS VERY INTERESTED IN LASSO-THROWING, AND HE IS THE BEST LASSO-THROWER IN HIS VILLAGE (J[NKH[). OTHER HOBBIES ARE KICK-SLEDGING, SHOOTING POLAR BEARS (WITH WATER-PISTOL), PISSING ON MOUNTAINS, JOIKAILU AROILLA (IMPOSSIBLE TO TRANSLATE IN ENGLISH.SORRY.), AND SO ON...            ALAN HAD VERY SAD CHILDHOOD. NOW I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT HIM AND HIS LIFE WHEN HE WAS 10 YEARS OLD.     IT WAS YEAR 1931, AND FAMILY ALANAMPA WAS JUST MOVED TO FINLAND FROM RUSSIA, WHERE THEY LIVED ABOUT FIVE OR SIX LONG YEARS. POOR ALAN COULDN'T IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT COULD IT BE TO LIVE IN FINLAND THAN IT WAS IN RUSSIA, WHERE COMRADES AND STALIN LIVED.    YES, THEY MOVED TO VILLAGE CALLED +J[NKH[+, WHICH WAS THE BIGGEST CITY IN NORTH POLE (AT LEAST NEAR THAT). J[NKH[ HAD ABOUT 250 INHABITANTS AND IN THE CENTRE THERE WERE FOLLOWING BUILDINGS:  A ORTHODOX CHURCH, A CATHOLIC CHURCH, A LUTHERAN CHURCH, A SQUARE, A COOPERATIVE SHOP, DAIRY, A SCHOOL AND A BAR, WHERE ALAN'S FATHER SPENT MOST OF HIS TIME DRINKING +PORON KUSTA+ (IN ENGLISH:+REINDEER'S PISS+), AS HE HAD HEARD THAT IT WILL INCREASE HIS MASCULINE POWER...              ALAN WAS IN THE SCHOOL MOST OF HIS TIME, AS HE WAS SO DISOBEDIENT THAT HE WAS KEPT AFTER SCHOOL IN THAT FUCKING BUILDING.   WELL, LET'S FOLLOW ALAN ONE NORMAL DAY IN HIS LIFE 58 YEARS AGO...          IT WAS 5 O'CLOCK AND ALAN'S MOTHER WAS SCREAMING WITH HER HORRIBLE VOICE:+ALAN!!! WAKE UP IMMEDIATELY AND GO TO SCHOOL, SO THAT I AND YOUR FATHER CAN FUCK LONGER!!!+.    +ZZZ+,WAS ALAN'S REPLY.   SO HIS MOTHER TOOK HER WHIP AND WHIPPED ALAN A BIT.  +HEY, YOU VICTIM OF INCEST! WAKE UP NOW! + ... -WHIP-  -WHIP-  -WHIP-   +OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!+       +NOW, HURRY TO SCHOOL, ASSHOLE!+,YELLED ALAN'S UGLY MOTHER.     +OKAY, BITCH+,WAS ALAN'S REPLY.  HE WORE HIS SMELLING SOCKS, COTTON TROUSERS, AND LEATHER SHIRT AND RAN OUT OF THE HUT.  +HMM! WHERE ARE MY SKIS... IT HAS BEEN SNOWING IN LAST NIGHT. OH YEAH, THERE THEY ARE, 1.5 METERS BELOW.+  +SKIS NEED MORE TAR.+           AFTER PUTTING SOME TAR TO HIS SKIS, ALAN LEFT TO SCHOOL, WHICH WAS QUITE NEAR: ONLY 42 KILOMETERS. BUT ALAN WAS STRONG (?*) GUY AND IT TOOK ONLY 25 MINUTES TO SKI TO SCHOOL.   HE WAS LATE, AS USUAL, AND SO TEACHER HIT HIM TO HIS BALLS. GREAT. MAYBE THIS IS ONE REASON WHY ALAN IS IMPOTENT NOWADAYS.        ALAN WAS SHY GUY. OTHER GUYS WERE NASTY.   SO....    THEY TEASED ALAN!!!  LOGIC!  THE TOUGHEST GUY'S NAME WAS VLADIMIR FROM MURMANSK, HE WAS SO TOUGH THAT HE EVEN SMOKED PIPE.   ALAN SMOKED TOO, BUT NO. NOT CICARETTES OR PIPE. HE SMOKED OPIUM. IT WAS GREAT STUFF! IT MADE HIM REAL TOUGH AND STRONG.   ONE DAY, WHEN HE HAD SMOKED 3 KILOS OF OPIUM (HE HADN'T GOT MORE MONEY) HE WENT TO MEET VLADIMIR.  +HEY GIPSY! WANNA GET DEAD?!+    +HAWHAWHAW+    +I WILL KILL YOU, GIPSY!+     +YEAH! I'M A PROUD GIPSY.+    +HAW! IF I WOULD BE GIPSY, I WOULD WEAR A BROWN PAPER BAG ON MY HEAD!+       +YOU REALLY WANT TO FEEL GIPSY'S ANGER!!! REMEMBER THAT WE ALWAYS CARRY KNIFE WITH US! HOJO!+,AND SO VLADIMIR PULLED OUT HIS KNIFE (WITH SOME BLOODMARKS ON IT).      +NICE TOY+,SAID ALAN WITH COOL AND ANGRY VOICE.    +LET ME TICKLE YOU WITH IT+,SAID UGLY VLADIMIR.      +NO, I WON'T. LOOK AT THIS, GIPSY!+,AND SO ALAN PULLED OUT REINDEER'S HORN!!! AND HIT VLADIMIR WITH IT COUPLE OF TIMES (TO HIS HEAD, OF COURSE).  +DEAD MEAT+,SAID ALAN AND LEFT THE PLACE LAUGHING AND COUNTING VLADIMIR'S MONEY. +AAWW! I KNEW THAT GIPSIES ARE POOR PEOPLE, BUT THIS MUST BE MEGA-POOR.+                OH SHIT! WHAT A VIOLENT GUY, I HEAR YOU'RE SAYING... YES. YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT, BUT REMEMBER HOW HARD CHILDHOOD ALAN HAD AND HOW UGLY PARENTS HE HAD AND HOW STUPID HE WAS AND SO ON...       BACK TO PRESENT TIME.     NOW ALAN IS SITTING IN HIS HUT WITH HIS WIFE ORKKU AND LISTENING TO THE MUSIC. (MATTI AND TEPPO, KATRI HELENA, EINO GR]HN, ANNELI SAARISTO, KIRKA AND ALL THE OTHER COOL FINNISH SINGERS).    THEY HAVE NO TELEVISION, AS THEY COST TOO MUCH. THEY HAVE ONLY HUSQVARNA-VALVE-RADIO. TRANSISTOR-RADIOS COST TOO MUCH AS WELL...            FUCK! LAPPI-PEOPLE LIVE SO SIMPLE LIFE THAT IT IS HARD TO TELL YOU EXCITING STORIES... BUT I TRY...    IT WAS SUMMER 1976, WHEN ALAN RECEIVED POST (INCREDIBLE!) FROM HASSE-TRAVEL-AGENCY. THEY ADVERTISED SOME CHEAP SPAIN TRIPS (ONLY 300 FMK)  AND ALAN WAS VERY IMPRESSED. +HEY, OLD FART! I WILL GO TO SPAIN!+     +ALL RIGHT, BUT COME HOME BEFORE DINNER+       +NO I WON'T! SEE YOU!+,SAID ALAN AND PACKED HIS SUITCASE (FOLLOWING THINGS: TOOTHBRUSH (THOUGH HE DON'T NEED IT AS HE HAS NO TEETH), PORNO-MAGAZINES TO GET THE RIGHT MOOD, ANTI-PERSPIRANT-SPRAY (HE REALLY NEEDS IT), ONE BOTTLE OF VODKA, SUN-GLASSES, BLACK-HORSE UNDERWEAR AND A PASSPORT.         10 HOURS LATER... IN HELSINKI ASEMATUNNELI (IN ENGLISH:GRAVEYARD) ALAN WAS QUITE SHOCKED. IS THIS THE BIG WORLD???   +KATTOKAA J[TK[T! SPURGU!+,SAID ONE TOUGH GUY TO OTHER GUYS (IN ENGLISH:+HEY GUYS! LOOK! AN ALCOHOLIC!+).     +VITTU MIE MIKK[[ SPURKU OO! MIE OON POROMIES LAPIST!!!+,SHOUTED ALAN (IN ENGLISH:+FUCK OFF! I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC! I'M A HERDER FROM LAPLAND!!!+).       +HEI SE K[Y VITTUILEE!+,SAID ONE TOUGH GUY (IN ENGLISH:+HEY! HE THINKS WE'RE ASSHOLES!+)      +N[YTET[[ SILLE MIST[ KANA PISSII!+,SAID OTHER GUY  (IN ENGLISH:+LET'S SHOW HIM WHERE THE CHICKEN PISSES FROM.+).            AND SO THEY MADE SOME VIOLENCE TO ALAN, WHO COULDN'T GUESS HOW MEAN THE BIG WORLD COULD BE...             LATER, ALAN LEFT THE HOSPITAL AND TRAVELLED BACK TO LAPLAND, WHERE HIS UGLY WIFE, ORKKU ALANAMPA WAS WAITING FOR HIM.     +OH, THERE YOU ARE. I ALMOST GET WORRIED THAT SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO YOU.+,SAID WIFE.       +NO, EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT, THOUGH MY LEFT HAND AND RIGHT FOOT ARE BROKEN AND MY LEFT EAR IS MISSING AND MY DICK IS TIED IN A KNOT AND MY NOSE IS ON ONE SIDE AND MY RIGHT EYE IS MISSING TOO.+,REPLIED ALAN.                 OK. THAT WAS IT, A LITTLE STORY ABOUT ALAN SWEDE, ROLEX OF FREEDOM FORCE...      THAT WAS A LITTLE BIT STUPID STORY, BUT IT'S REALLY HARD JOB TO TELL LIES ABOUT A GUY WHO LIVES IN SMELLING OULU.   SORRY.                         OK. PART 4...     YEAH! NOW WE WILL TELL THE SECRETS OF LUCIFER OF FREEDOM FORCE!!!     HE'S REAL NAME IS ALDO VILLAONE, HE IS 24 YEARS OLD AND HE IS MARRIED (IN FACT HE HAS BEEN MARRIED BEFORE THIS WOMAN ABOUT 14 TIMES, BUT THEY HAVE MYSTICALLY DISAPPEARED (STRANGE)).    THEY HAVE NO CHILDREN, AS ALDO HAS SAID TO HIS WIFE THAT IS SHE WILL GET PREGNANT, SHE WILL DIE.             ALDO HAS ONLY A FEW HOBBIES, WHICH ARE SMOKING, DRINKING, SHOOTING, GOLF, (STRIP)POKER, AND RUSSIAN ROULETTE (SO FAR HE HASN'T LOST).          ALDO HAS AN OWN COMPANY. IT IS CALLED +GODFATHER'S SERVICE+. IT IS SOME KIND OF GASSTATION, WHICH WILL RULE THE WORLD SOON (ALDO SAYS SO. THEY HAVE A NICE POLICY TO HANDLE THE BUSINESS. WE WILL EXAMINE IT NOW...).   YES, +GODFATHER'S SERVICE+ WILL SOON BE THE ONLY GASSTATION IN THE WORLD! A MONOPOLY.                 LET'S START THIS STORY FROM A MEETING, WHERE WERE ALL THE LEADING GUYS OF +GODFATHER'S SERVICE+...           +SOON WE WILL RULE THE WORLD+    +YEAH! SHELL, EXXOS, AND ALL THE ARABIC OIL-COMPANIES WILL EAT SHIT SOON...+     +BUT THAT MEANS HARD JOB. WE NEED ACTION!!!+      +YES. WHO WOULD BE THE VOLUNTEER TO DO THE DIRTY JOB?+     ...SILENCE...    +I WILL+    +ALDO! YOU!?!+     +YEAH! GIMME FIVE DAYS TIME, AND THERE WILL BE ONLY DUST LEFT.+    +FIVE DAYS? WHAT THE HELL CAN YOU DO IN FIVE DAYS?+       +QUITE A LOT+                      SO ALDO LEFT THE MEETING AND WENT HOME TO PICK UP SOME MONEY AND A GUN.      NOW HE WAS READY FOR THE TRIP. HE STOLE A CAR (BMW 512), DROVE TO THE AIRPORT AND BOUGHT A TICKET TO IRAN. WHILE WAITING HIS FLIGHT HE NOTICED A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, WHO WAS SELLING SOME BOOKS. ALDO APPROACHED THE GIRL AND, BEING SUCH A CHARMING GUY, DECIDED TO BUY ONE BOOK AND SO CATCH GIRLS INTEREST. +YO, PRETTY GIRL!+, SAID ALDO WITH SHAMELESS VOICE. GIRL NOTICED ALDOS PASSIONATELY EYES AND FLUSHED. ALDO CONTINUED +HOW MUCH......IS THAT BOOB..OH..BOOK OVER THERE?+, LOOKING STRAIGHT TO GIRLS BROWN EYES AND POINTING ONE BOOK FORTIUTOISLY. GIRL FOLLOWED ALDOS MUSCULAR ARM. SHE PICKED THAT BOOK UP AND GASP! THE BOOK WAS...SATANS VERSES... +GOOD CHOICE+, GIRL STATED. +MAY I ASK...TO WHICH COUNTRY ARE YOU TRAVELLING?+  +IRAN+, SAID ALDO AND STILL KEEPING HIS EYES IN GIRLS FIRM BODY. HE HASN'T LOOKED THE BOOK YET. GIRL PALED. +MY!, PERHAPS YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THIS BOOK+ ALDO LOOKED THE BOOK. WITH NO SIGN OF CONFUSION, HE PICKED IT AND STARTED TO PAY IT. AFTER PAYING HE SUGGESED TO GIRL A LITTLE FUCK. +WHY NOT+ REPLIED THE GIRL AND STARTED TO TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF. AFTER 10 MINUTES LONG FUCK ALDO GOT HIS STATISFACTION. +THANKS, PRETTIE+ SAID ALDO TAKING HIS MAGNUM .357 HANDGUN. +WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT GUN?+ ASKED THE GIRL. +MY LIFE-INSURANCE. NO HARD FEELINGS PRETTY, BUT I MUST THINK MY REPUTATION AND BESIDES, I DON'T WANT TO PAY ANY SUBSITENCE PAYMENTS.+  +AND YOU HAVE FUCKING GOOD PUSSY!   ADIOS!+ ALDO SAID ROUGHLY AND PULLED THE TRIGGER. COUPLE OF COPS NOTICED THIS AND ONE OF THEM SHOUTED +HEY YOU PUNK! STOP OR WE OPEN FIRE!+   +FUCK YOUR MOM, PAL!+ ANSWERED ALDO AND STARTED TO RUN. MOMENTARILY THERE WAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT:+ ATTENTION! ATTENTION! SAS FLIGHT 453 TO PARIS WILL LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES. ALL PASSENGERS, CHECK YOUR TICKETS AND HAVE A NICE TRIP.     SAS FLIGHT...+ +YEAH! THAT FLIGHT IS MY ESCAPE. AND IT WILL GO TO TEHERAN INSTEAD OF PARIS!+ HE TAKE DIRECT TOWARD CUSTOMS' GREEN LINE AND WHEN A CUSTOMS OFFICER TRIED TO STOP HIM, HE NOTICED TWO BULLETS IN HIS HEAD. +FUCK! TWO EXPENSIVE BULLETS TO THAT OFFICER, WHAT A WASTE!+ PLANES DOOR WERE JUST CLOSING WHEN ALDO ARRIVED. +WAIT!+ HE SHOUTED. AIR HOSTESS NOTICED ALDO AND SO HE MANAGED TO PLANE. RIGHT WHEN THE PLANE WAS SAFELY IN AIR, RUSHED ALDO TO COCKPIT TO HAVE A DISCUSSION WITH THE PILOTS. HE KNOCKED THE DOOR LIKE A GENTLEMAN, AND WHEN IT OPENED, HE PULLED IT WIDE OPEN AND SAID: +ROOM SERVICE+ +WHAT THE HELL...JOHN, THROW THAT IDIOT OUT!+ SHOUTED THE 1ST PILOT. BUT BEFORE 2ND PILOT WAS ABLE TO DO ANYTHING, PULLED ALDO THE TRIGGER AND SAID +GREETINGS FROM DISNEYLAND, SUCKERS!+ BOTH OF PILOTS DIED IMMEDIATELY. BECAUSE ALDO HAS EXCELLENT TALENTS, HE LEARNT FAST. SO SAD THAT THIS TIME THERE WERE NO MUCH TIME TO LEARN FLYING. FAST LIKE A PANTHER HE DRAGGED ONE STUERT TO COCKPIT AND SAID: +OK MAPREADER, SHOW ME HOW TO FLY WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT+ AFTER 4 PAINFUL MINUTES ALDO HAS MANAGED TO SQUEEZE ENOUGH INFORMATION TO FLY JUMBO 747. STUERT THROWED UP COUPLE OF TIMES AND EVEN FAINT WHEN ALDO TRAINED FLYING LIKE KAMIKAZE-PILOT. EYES FLASHING LIKE A MAD HE YELLED: +TEHERAN, HERE WE COME!+. SOON THEY WERE IN IRAN'S AIRSPACE +YO, HERE'S INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT FROM STATES! WE HAVE EMERGENCY FLIGHT BECAUSE OF YOUR BELOVED LEADER AYATOLLAH. HE HAS GOT FATTY DEGENERATION OF THE HEART AND HE MUST BE OPERATED! I DOUBT YOU WANT YOUR LEADERS DEATH!+    WITH THIS LITTLE TRICK HE GOT PERMISSION FOR LANDING. RIGHT AFTER LANDING ALDO JUMPED OUT AND LEFT PAIR OF GRANADES AFTER HIM. NEXT DAY'S NEWSPAPER TOLD HOW SOME MANIAC HIJACKED SAS' PLANE AND AFTER LANDING TO TEHERAN HE BLOWED IT UP. 388 PASSENGERS AND 14 CREW MEMBERS WERE KILLED. ANYWAY, WHEN THE PLANE EXPLODED, IT ATTRACTED EVERYBODYS NOTICE. SO ALDO WAS ABLE TO SNEAK ONE BUS SO, THAT NO-ONE DIDN'T SAW HIM. AT LAST, AFTER MANY SECURITY CHECKS (ALDO HAS, OF COURSE, FAKED PAPERS) HE ARRIVED TO DOWNTOWN TEHERAN. FIRST HE LOOKED AFTER SOME MAJOR FIRE-POWER. SHADY BAZAARS SHOWED TO ALDO THAT IF YOU NEED SOMETHING, YOU CAN FIND IT HERE. AND INDEED, ALDO GOT WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR: M-16 WITH LIGHT MORTAR AND SOME PLASTIC EXPLODES WITH DETONATORS. AFTER THAT HE GOT HIS BEARINGS TO LOCAL +SYSTEMBOLAGET+ TO GET SOME ENGOURAGEMENT. FIVE BOTTLES AND THREE PROMILES LATER....ALDO FOUND HIMSELF IN HIGH TOWER. +WHAT THE FUCK?+ +WHERE AM I?+, WONDERED ALDO AND LOOKED DOWM. +OH SHIT!! ALMOST 50 METERS TO DOWN!+ +WHO MOTHERFUCKER BROUGHT ME HERE!?! I'LL KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!+ YELLED ALDO STRAIGHT TO MICROPHONE! HIS YELLING WAS HEARD DOWN IN THE STREETS AND SOON PEOPLE STARTED TO GATHER AND WONDER WHAT'S GOING ON. SUDDENLY ALL THE PEOPLE STARTED TO KNEEL DOWN AND BOW TOWARDS SOUTHWEST. +OH, IT'S PARTYTIME!+   +LET'S READ SOME POEMS TO THOSE POOR PEOPLE!+, SAID ALDO AND PICKED THAT BOOK HE WAS BOUGHT, SATANS VERSES. +WELL,  LET'S SEE....PAGE 57.... HERE'S MICROPHONE...AND SO ANITA TOOK MUHAMMED'S SWELLING COCK AND STARTED TO SUCK IT. MUHAMMED STARTED TO VAIL IN ECSTASY. SOON ANITA NOTICED THAT MUHAMMED WAS READY. SHE BOWED DEEPER AND SQUEEZED HIS TESTICLES.....+. CONTEMPORANEUSLY THREE MUJAHIDINS, HOLY WARRIORS ARRIVED BEHIND ALDO'S BACK. +HANDS UP, YOU HERETIC SHIT!+ YELLED ONE MUJAHIDIN. FASTER THAN LIGHT ALDO PICKED HIS M-16 AND SHOT ALL THREE MUJAHIDINS. +DON'T TELL ME TO PICK MY HANDS UP, AHMED!+ ALDO STARTED TO CLIMB STAIRS DOWN, BUT HE WAS IN BOOZE SO HARD THAT HE STUMBLED OVER ONE MUJAHIDIN AND SO HE DECIDED TO ROLL STAIRS DOWN. AFTER ALDO'S CONTROLLED APPROACHING WITH 1ST FLOOR HE STOOD UP AND DECIDED TO GO THERE WHERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE, BECAUSE HE WANTED TO MISLEAD HIS POSSIBLE FOLLOWERS. +HEY, THERE'S ONE BUILDING WITH LOTS OF GATHERED PEOPLE, MAYBE IT'S SOMEKIND OF MARKET+ NOTICED ALDO AND ORIENTEERED STRAIGHT THERE. HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE PLACE WAS MOSQUE. HE MARCH IN. +PHEW, LOTS OF SHOES, MAYBE IT'S SHOE-SHOP! I'LL TRY THOSE SANDALS OVER THERE, THEY LOOK JUST SUITABLE FOR MY LOOK!+ SO HE CHANGED HIS OLD RUBBERBOOTS WITH COMFORTABLE, ALMOST BRAND NEW SANDALS. THEN HE WENT IN. +HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?  WHY ALL FOLKS ARE KNEELING TO THAT DIRECTION? WELL, MAYBE IT IS THEIR WAY TO SHOW THEIR GRATEFULNESS TO THE SHOPKEEPER.+ SAID ALDO AND LET LONG AND NOISY FART. BECAUSE THERE WAS RATHER QUIET IN THE MOSQUE, EVERYBODY HEAR THAT FARTING. EVERY MAN (THERE'S NO FEMALES) JUMPED UP AND STARTED TO APPROACH ALDO. AS A SMART GUY (ENOUGH) HE NOTICED THAT THOSE WILD PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HURT HIM. HE STARTED TO RUN TOWARDS THE DOOR AND FOR SECURITY HE THREW ONE PLASTIC BOMB OVER HIS SHOULDER. IT EXPLODED QUITE CONVINCINGLY AND BECAUSE THE MOSQUE WASN'T SO DURABLE, IT COLLAPSED. AND UNDER ALL THAT JUNK LEFT OVER 700 REAL MUSLIMS. +AMEN!+ SAID ALDO AND LAUGHT STRANGE. +I'M STARTING TO LIKE THIS JOB!+      AN HOUR LATER ALDO CAME NEAR TO ONE PALACE. GUARDS STOPPED HIM. +FUCK YOU GAYS!+ SAID ALDO AND SHOT THEM WITH NO MERCY IN HIS VOICE. HE ENTERED IN PALACE AND SOON FOUND A BIG ROOM WITH FULL OF IMPORTANT-LOOKING OLD MEN +YO, DO I DISTURB YOUR CLASSMEETING, OLD FARTS?+. ONE MAN YELLED GUARDS AND THEY ARRIVED EXTREMELY QUICKLY. ONE OF THE GUARDS SHOT TOWARD ALDO, BUT BEING RATHER SLIMY AND FAST GUY HE MANAGED TO AVOID PREMATURELY DEATH. LIKE A CAT HE JUMPED ON THE TABLE AND SHOT ALL THE GUARDS LIKE MACHINE. +WHAT DO YOU TERRORIST WANT FROM US?+ ASKED ONE MAN. +THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, CREEP!+ SAID ALDO AND FORCED PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES INTO HIS MOUTH. +TAKE THIS!+ HE SAID.+ OK, I JUST DECIDED YOUR DEATH-SENTENCE. YOU HAVE YOUR LAST WISH. PERHAPS A GOOD CIGAR?+ SAID ALDO WITH AMUSING VOICE AND STICKED ONE DETONATOR INTO EXPLOSIVE. +RELAX+ HE SAID. OLD MAN RELIEFED. MAYBE THAT TERRORIST IS JUST JOKING... BUT NO HE WASN'T. ALDO LIT THE DETONATOR AND BACKED OFF SOME METERS. SUDDENLY BOMB EXPLODED +FLY LIKE ROTTEN PUMPKIN, JIIHAA!+ THEN HE TURNED TOWARDS OTHER MEN. +SORRY, BUT THESE FIREWORKS ARE PRIVATE ONES, I WANT NO WITNESSES+ HE SAID AND STARTED TO SHOOT NEAREST MEN. +WAIT, YOU FOOL!+ SHOUTED THE OLDEST-LOOKING MAN. +SHUT UP, COCKROACH+ SAID ALDO TURNING TOWARDS HIM.  +CATCH THIS BALL, DIRTBAG!+ AND SO HE THREW ONE GRANADE TO OLD MAN'S ARMS.    BOOOOM!     ALDO PUT THE FINISHING TOUCHES TO THAT GROUP. HE PLACED SOME PLASTIC BOMBS IN THE ROOM WITH 15 SEC. TIME TO EXPLODE +HAPPY NEW YEAR! SORRY THAT I MUST MISS THIS PARTY!+ SHOUTED ALDO AND WENT AWAY. WHEN HE ARRIVED THE TOP FLOOR, THE ROOM EXPLODED. THEN HE NOTICED A HELICOPTER WITH NO GUARDS. +GREAT, I'LL LEAVE THIS PLACE WITH THAT JUNK+ HE SMILED. +HOPE THERE'S ENOUGH GASO TO FLY IT+. WHEN HE GOT IN THE AIR, HE SAW HUNDREDS OF SOLDIERS RUSHING TO THE PALACE. +GREAT TIMING, ALDIE BOY. MAYBE I SHOULD STOP THIS TASK TEMPORARILY. YEAH, I NEED SOME REST, SO LET'S GO HOME!+ WHILE FLYING TOWARDS PAKISTANI'S BORDER HE OPENDED RADIO. LUCKILY HE HAD LEARNT SOME ARABIAN. HE HEARD THAT SOME TERRORIST WAS INVADED INTO AYATOLLAHS PALACE AND MURDERED HIM AND HIS MINISTERS. +PHEW, THAT'S TOUGH GUY, I'D LIKE TO MEET THAT KIND OF HERO SOME DAY! WELL, WE'RE COMING NEAR BORDER. NOW CAREFULLY...+ BEING SO UNNOTICEABLE HE MANAGED TO ARRIVE KABUL. HE LANDED ROUGHLY ON ONE ROOF AND UNFORTUNATELY BROKE IT. BECAUSE THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE WASN'T PRESENT AT THE MOMENT, HE LEFT SOME MONEY TO COVER DAMAGES +HOPE HE CAN USE THIS MONEY. WELL, IF NOT, I CAN'T HELP. BESIDES, RUSSIA ISN'T SO FAR AWAY+ SAID ALDO AND LEFT FIVE ROUBLES ON THE TABLE AND LEFT HOUSE. AT THE STREET HE NOTICED CAR. +HEY, WITH THAT CAR I CAN MOVE FASTER+ ALDO PHILOSOPHIZED. +HOPE I HAVE STILL MY THIEF-TALENTS+ AND OF COURSE HE HAS. AFTER 10 SECONDS HE DROVE AWAY WITH WIDE SMILE ON HIS FACE. SOON, ABOUT 12 MINUTES LATER HIS WAY WAS BLOCKED. IN FRONT OF CAR WAS A FAT COW. +WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE LYING THERE, YOU UGLY PIG!+ ALDO, BEING QUITE FAST-NERVOUSING BUDDY, SHOT ONE MAGAZINE EMPTY TOWARDS THE COW. +YUMM, FRESH MEAT. NOW I CAN GET SOUP-MEATS FOR ONE YEAR! WIFE WILL BE PLEASED!+ HE DELIGHTED AND STARTED TO CARRY THE COW TO THE CAR'S BACKSEAT. MEANWHILE, SOME HINDUS ARRIVED. +HEY PHOREINGER! WI CAN NOTHIS TAT JUU HAF KIILD OUR HOLI ANIML, COF. SO JUU MUST DAI!+ +FUCK OFF, MORMONS!+ SAID ALDO AND DRAW HIS MAGNUM .357. 1.32 SECONDS LATER ALL HINDUS WERE DEAD MEAT. +FUCKING BASTARDS, DARED TO STOP ME, WHEN I JUST WANTED TO HELP OUR FAMILY'S BUDGET!+ AND THEN HE CONTINUED TO CARRY THE COW INTO THE CAR. LATER HE CONTINUED HIS DRIVING AND DROVE TO AIRPORT. ON RUNWAY THERE WAS ONE HERCULES-PLANE, WHICH WAS JUST BEING FILLED UP. ALDO DROVE HIS CAR INTO PLANE AND CLOSED THE HATCH. HE RAN TO COCKPIT AND SAID TO SLEEPY PILOT: +OK ASHDICK, THIS PLANE TAKES OFF NOW!+ AND THREW HIM OUT. +LUCKILY I'M A GOOD PILOT+ SAID ALDO AND STARTED THE PLANE. SOON HE WAS IN THE AIR AND TOOK COURSE BACK TO HOME.           WHEN HE ARRIVED TO HIS MATES' OFFICE, HE FELT SORRY. +SORRY MATES, BUT I DIDN'T MANAGE TO....+ +GREAT WORK ALDO!+ HIS MATES CHEERED. +BY KILLING AYATOLLAH YOU  MADE MIDDLE-EAST COUNTRIES INTO CRITICAL SITUATION AND EVEN OPEC WAS SHATTERED!+ THEY CONTINUED. ALDO WAS TOTALLY CONFUSED. WAS HE THAT KILLING HERO...              OK, THAT WAS THE STORY OF ALDO VILLAONE, LUCIFER OF FREEDOM FORCE. AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS. WE'RE SO TIRED TO WRITE THESE FACTS THAT THIS ONE RESTARTS .........