I first met Pinguino about 3 years or so ago on #ansi.. She was hawking the upcoming release of a comic called Tori Do #1, which turned out to be the first comic released by her company, Penguin Palace. Over the course of the next few months, somehow, Sabby, Maytrickz, Acidjazz, Pod, Jeepee, pinguino, and myself ended up on one of the several critically acclaimed "Swedish Chef" confs. Here, we had countless amounts of fun calling up various people and impersonating the Swedish Chef. After those confs, we formed a somewhat, tightly knit group of #ansi go'ers, where we would all end up staying online for excessive amounts of time just talking to one another and occasionally the other folks that drifted through #ansi.

About this time, I lost the internet for the first time, for 3 months, and never got to speak to anyone for that time. After I got back on, the first person to greet me, was pinguino. We have had countless talks about Penguin Palace, her life in general, and my life in general. Just, last sunday or so, we had talked about how I was going to turn gothic like and how she was really enjoying the role-playing game Vampire. In tune, with that discussion, I also typed in the 3 poems I wrote about penguins for Penguin Palace. She enjoyed all three, and wanted me to ship them off to Aquis as fast as possible. We had enjoyed yet another lovely chat, and sometime during one of the portions of this chat, we had decided, after asking Narcolept, to set up the Literature Division in Girl.

Well, about 2 days ago, I receive in the mail, Tori Do #1, some prints, and a couple other things from pinguino. I had a chance to look over them all and really, for the first time, the talent that she had. Then Thursday, i logon to irc and what do i see, "Pinguino trys to kill herself", "Pinguino is fat", "Pinguino is a loser", etc. etc. Imagine my shock at first hearing she tried to commit suicide after I had just spoken to her that weekend, then hearing all of these doodleboys start to rag on her.

Well, my whole view of the scene has changed since about 2 hours ago. I used to think it was fun and people had a good time in it. Now, I have rethought that, and I really despise the scene for what it has become. When people are able to just totally trash a human being for something that they have done wrong and feel not even the slightest compassion for them, they are just complete assholes. Most of the people I have spoken with over the years, turned out to be these people. I was amazed to hear such harsh words from people I thought of as cool. I feel that the scene is a joke. Sure, we got our ansi, our vga, our ascii, and our literature, but the people within it have become complete jerks.

In the old days, one could ask an artist for an ansi or ascii and sometimes you would get it, unless you were an idiot begging daily and just popped into #ansi with the "gimme ansi" line. Now, you will be lucky to find an artist that draws in #ansi, that is willing to draw. This whole, "I am too good for you all" attitude is ruining the very place we have lived in for so long. The discussion held today, just completely made me agree with so many of the people I had disagreed with over the years. It made me think about the current situation from an outside view rather than my shallow insider view and I feel like a fool for not listening to those people before. I feel that some of the people I can still look at in the channel, and be like, "you are cool", but most of them I just won't bother to talk to anymore. In fact, I might just hibernate once again from the scene as this incident has caused me to realize that it is such a joke and I have wasted too much of my time in it as it is. Nyt had a good comment in the discussiont though that I was able to grab.

<nyt> suicide is selfish, but it's still a big fucking deal, when someone you care about tries it, come back and say what it's like.

His whole comment is that you should say how you feel towards the concept of suicide, not make fun of the person that did it. That is how I look at things and that is why I feel so many doodleboys are idiots. All I can say is get well pinguino.

--- monk

greetz: to the old crew (sabby, maytrickz, acidjazz, pod, ky, pinguino, jeepee, enigmatic, and frontline), and to whodini, cash, eerie, and mistawho.

also, greetz to all those that don't like suicide but don't rip apart a person who tries to commit it. Just try to be considerate to the fact that something fucked up their life (in their mind) so bad that they had to do it.